I often hear, what is the correct order of candles for my daughter's Bat Mitzvah Candle Lighting service? How many candles does my son need to have?  The answer: None.
 
There is  no "correct" or absolute way that the Candle Lighting service needs to be done. Candle Lighting ceremonies originated when caterers brought out big cakes and the B'nai Mitzvah lit birthday candles and started honoring guests at the ceremony.  From what I have seen, there is no religious aspect or requirements to this part of the party! 
 

If you are more traditional, the Order for 13 (or 14 if you want to add one for "good luck" candles) is typically as follows:

  • Optional: Memory Candle in honor of family member that is no longer with us
  • Great Grandparents and Grandparents – can be one candle or separated into several candles
  • Aunts & Uncles and Cousins (can be by Aunt and Uncle in one candle and then cousins in another or by families) 
  • Parent’s Friends or family friends
  • Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s Friends – can be divided into school, camp, activity or just all together
  • Siblings – depending on how many candles, can be all in one or each get their ownBar/Bat Mitzvah
  • Parents
  • Bar or Bat Mitzvah 
 
There are also B'nai Mitzvah that would rather keep it short and sweet and chose 3, 6 or 9 candles. The options are endless!  
 
So don't fret about if you are doing it right, let's do it "write!"